Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Standing Outside the Fire

We call them fools
Who have to dance within the flame
Who chance the sorrow and the shame
That always come with getting burned

But you got to be tough when consumed by desire
'Cause it's not enough just to stand outside the fire

When I listen to Garth Brook's "Standing Outside the Fire" I think of my oldest son Eric. He is 17 years old and a high functioning autistic. He will charge through life like a snow plow and with all the subtley of an atomic bomb. That's the way he is and just have to learn to deal with it sometimes. I guess maybe I am jealous of him. There are times when I wish I was free of the limits that I place on myself. To be able to tell the people around me how I feel and not be self-conscience about giving them the pat on the back that they need and telling the ones who bother me not to do that. To shout out joy at the top of my lungs and have unabashed enthusiasm for something although reality dicates otherwise. My son is not what I wanted him to be and I say to God "Thank you" for having it that way.

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